A box of treasure

I’ve been sitting here starring at that blinking curser for god knows how long. The thing is, it’s not writers block, and it’s not for lack of knowing what I want to write about,  Its more the fact, how do I put words down to paper to express exactly what I want to write. How do I explain how it feels when someone you know and someone you love has basically lost their mind and become a shell of their former person.  How does one ever understand or cope with or reason with – Alzheimer’s .

I don’t think I ever could put it into words, so best not I even try.. so instead what I would like to share is this:

My Nanna lives in England, and obviously, I and my family live here in Australia. It’s because of this reason I have loved Christmas and big occasions oh so much. At Christmas time and some Easters and some birthdays, my Nanna came to visit us. My Aunt and Uncle also make the Christmas trip over from whatever country they are in at the time. We would have a massive “proper” Christmas lunch (the only way I know with turkey and pork and ham and lots of roasted veggies and of course my Mums famous TRIFLE *drool*) and then all play cricket and swim in the pool all afternoon. Of course this is Melbourne weather depending!

This was and is my favourite time of the year, ask anyone I know. We all sang together while putting the trimmings on the tree and all famously sat around in a circle while I ceremoniously handed out the gifts..etc etc.

But of course, there was always a time when my Nanna and other family members had to leave, and I would be devastated, especially as a child. Back then, England was universes away, literally impossible to comprehend as a 5/6/7/8 year old.

My brother and I would always write my Nanna a goodbye card, and birthday / Easter card. My mum being the craft teacher/guru she is, must have instilled this trait in us, cards, letters, drawings. You name it, we did it and a lot of the time sent them on to our Nanna along with photos and even sometimes some scratch and sniffs ha ha ha (remember those!)

These cards and letters and the like, I haven’t thought of in a long time… until now.

My mum sent a giant box of things over from my Nanna’s house in England this week, a box full of a lifetime of memories and apparently it’s nothing compared to what my mum and aunt have found.

Turns out, every one of those letters, every one of those photos and every single one of those cards we have sent my Nanna, you guessed it, she has them still. She has kept the most amazing things from our childhood and also my mum’s childhood. She had them all in her bedroom, stored away nicely. I guess to go through on a rainy day and to reminisce about another time.

My mum has sent me a few things, things she thought I would like to see again and things my Nanna won’t be able to comprehend again.

She has even got, and this one made my eyes well up like no mans business, the letter my dad wrote after my brother was born in 1982, expanding on their brief phone call they had (which back then for international would of cost an arm and a leg) telling her about the tests they had done on him as a new born and how he passed with flying colours and how he “the baby is beautiful”. She had that, in her box of goodies, and it made my heart cry out in joy and sink in sorrow within the same breath.

Its amazing that we get to see these things again, but its heart breaking at the same time.

Sometimes it’s hard to think about someone getting old, someone losing their memory, someone losing their former spirit, Alzheimer’s.  But, I am grateful my Nanna is still here. She is living and loving and laughing and although her memory and a few other cognitive processes may be failing, I know she is in there somewhere, the feisty stubborn, big hearted, only ever a skirt wearing woman that we’ve always known and loved….

These are just two of the things I found in the box of never ending, heart warming, treasures.

I would take a guess of the ages I was when I did them, the first I would have been about 7/8 and the second one I would hazard a guess at about 12/11. Don’t worry, I know how to spell AWESOME now!

                         

~ Linking in with Jess for IBOT – there’s a LOT of awEsome going on over there ~

A new mother is.

So this is going to be short and sweet.. Oh so sweet!

I’m not really in the post writing frame of mind, might have something to do with the miniature albeit seemingly grand rock concert that’s been playing out in my head since about 2pm this afternoon. You know one of those shockers that has your squinting at the computer screen and wanting to sit in absolute silence with a lavender swab splayed over your face. Yeah, that’s happening.

But I did have to share just one picture of my beautiful friend and her most angelic new little boy. N.M.R. who was born Friday morning and is just divine, he is the epitome of pure sweetness. Just simply being in the presence of someone so new, someone so small and fragile and innocent was completely overwhelming, but in a good way. I can not wait to be a part of his introduction into this crazy beautiful world. To see him grow and shine and be as awesome as his mother and father and older brother all rolled into one, that’s going to be something. He is going to one fabulous little guy.

There is nothing so amazing as to watch my friend with her little boy, I could sit and watch them forever. The love, the awe, the bond that has been blossoming over 9 months and then he is here, in her arms and she doesn’t even have to utter one word to express how in complete and utter love she is. If nothing ever warms your heart, this vision should.

Welcome to the world beautiful boy, I can not wait to show you around xx

Linking in with Jess for IBOT, go stalk some other blogers and blogettes

Where to ?

I’ve hit one of those dredded, or not so dreaded (depending how you look at it) crossroads. The one where you REALLY have no flipping idea what you want to do. The one where both paths could lead to really amazing things, but, you just really cannot for the life of you decide which way to turn. Fun huh!

I’ve been at my job now for 2.5 years and that’s pretty good considering it was such a fluke to get it, practically walking off the aeroplane and voila, here you go. So I know I was seriously lucky to score such a job. And I was/am still really grateful for being given the opportunity.

However, I’ve had enough now. My role is usually a 2 year thing. There is no real career path I can see stemming from this job, unless I want to move upwards to a more technical role, which I do not, which means I would just have to stay where I am and that doesn’t bode so well with me. I could head into an admin role within the company if one popped up or something along those lines. I know many people would do this and be okay with it. But for me, right now, I feel that I am 27 and I do have a huge lifetime in front of me, surely I should be able to find something I truly like, maybe even love ?

But here within lies the problems;
I don’t KNOW what I want to do. I don’t know what my hearts desire is in terms of career. I feel that at 27 regardless of current job, I should maybe have some idea. To a degree I do, or rather I know definitely what jobs I don’t want. If you started yelling jobs at me I would tell you straight out yes or no,  actually that’s a lie it would more likely be definite NO’s and a few MAYBE’s.

And that’s my other problem, I am a super indecisive character and this can be a massive downfall, especially when it comes to big decisions (and some of the little ones, even choosing  ice cream flavours, how can you ever make a quick decision, serious business right there!) I hate the feeling that I am making the wrong choice. I am terrified in fact. So you can only imagine my dismay when I know I have to, within the next few months or so, make some of those massive decisions.

I don’t HAVE to make these decisions, I’m not on any time frame or deadline with anyone else except myself, but I know I have to make change soon, a change for me, because otherwise I will just become dormant and stay in the same place, just because its easy and comfy, oh  how we all LOVE easy and comfy. But I have to cow prod myself in my own ass, else I ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Soooo…It IS time to pull up my socks and really take a good hard think about what I want to do, I know I have a few good years left before kiddlies would come along and I want something that’s going to be feasible for me to do with kids and after kids, ya know!

Beginning from right now, I am starting to flip my way through possible career ideas and anything that sparks even a miniscule flame in my heart, will be written onto a piece of paper, and researched thoroughly.

I know there is an amazing job out there waiting for me, I might not even know what is it yet, but I know I am not destined to be in a role that 20 others can do, I want to make a difference, I want to shine. And that my friends, isn’t too much to ask. Is it ?

Have you any suggestions for me? Have you ever been in this position? 

Linking in with Jess for IBOT, because I can.

Photo credit.

Ain’t nothing gonna’ break my stride..

Five years ago…

My life and my journey all seemed to take off dramatically when the decision was made between my two best friends and me to travel overseas.

We decided to do the whole cliché move to London shebang, with a pit stop in Thailand for a few weeks to head back to the grass roots of it all before throwing ourselves into the hustle and bustle of London living.

“Our” Journey turned sour reasonably early on (Thailand) with lots of home truths sprouting their way out of my two so called best friends. I sat back and watched them both contort into two complete monsters, leaving nothing left of the former them I knew and loved.
This went on for a few more gruesome weeks before anything changed; I didn’t have the strength and guts before this time to take the step that I knew needed to be taken. After a few more hardships and fights and many tears shed I took the plunge and left.
By plunge I mean I bawled my eyes out till I had no more tears left and my mascara had 100% made it down to my neck and boarded a train for north England where I knew I had a friend I could turn to.

That was the biggest step I’ve ever taken and I will not for one second in my entire life time regret the day that I summoned all my strength, courage and grace and left behind a situation that was blackening my soul to its very core.

From there, I embarked on a personal journey of self discovery. I took myself on some tours and travelled around Europe solo. I preceded to meet (and still see to this day) some amazing human beings who showed me what it is really like to live and to witness my own spirit soar. I had never felt as alive as I did when I was wandering the globe and discovering new places with these people. These strangers showed me more compassion and love than either of the two best friends I left behind had ever. They knew I was fragile and a little bit broken but they lifted me up high and to be honest, I haven’t quite come back down yet.

I eventually came back home while still leaving a piece of my heart in Europe, knowing, whether I liked it or not, I was tied to that place forever.

No regrets.

Four months after I had returned home I stumbled across a once in a lifetime opportunity. I applied for and was offered a job as an Au Pair in Switzerland looking after 4 young girls. Now, I must explain… I didn’t go looking for this job, it literally “popped’ up on my screen one day while I was at work and searching for something completely unrelated.     Fate.

Two months later and with my spirits more than flying I landed in Switzerland.
I settled into my new home with ease and there began Ma Vie Suisse…
I was in Switzerland for just under two years.
I knew I was given this unbelievable chance and there was no way I was going to let any little thing tarnish my experiences.
In this time I found my complete person, the person that I continue to try and be true to, day in and day out..
I challenged myself in so many ways and many a hurdle was placed in front of me and I always managed to come out the end smiling. I was in Switzerland after all. Life was amazing.

I visited some of the most magically breathtaking places on earth, places I never imagined existed. I also met and fell in love with my now fiancé J… A highlight beyond compare.
 I have no doubt there will be plenty of posts surrounding my time in Switzerland and the soul searching and soul finding I did. And more than likely lots and lots of photographs.

Returning to Australia in 2010 with J in tow, life has only gotten better. Together we have made our humble abode home.

Tied to Switzerland forever more.