I’ve been sitting here starring at that blinking curser for god knows how long. The thing is, it’s not writers block, and it’s not for lack of knowing what I want to write about, Its more the fact, how do I put words down to paper to express exactly what I want to write. How do I explain how it feels when someone you know and someone you love has basically lost their mind and become a shell of their former person. How does one ever understand or cope with or reason with – Alzheimer’s .
I don’t think I ever could put it into words, so best not I even try.. so instead what I would like to share is this:
My Nanna lives in England, and obviously, I and my family live here in Australia. It’s because of this reason I have loved Christmas and big occasions oh so much. At Christmas time and some Easters and some birthdays, my Nanna came to visit us. My Aunt and Uncle also make the Christmas trip over from whatever country they are in at the time. We would have a massive “proper” Christmas lunch (the only way I know with turkey and pork and ham and lots of roasted veggies and of course my Mums famous TRIFLE *drool*) and then all play cricket and swim in the pool all afternoon. Of course this is Melbourne weather depending!
This was and is my favourite time of the year, ask anyone I know. We all sang together while putting the trimmings on the tree and all famously sat around in a circle while I ceremoniously handed out the gifts..etc etc.
But of course, there was always a time when my Nanna and other family members had to leave, and I would be devastated, especially as a child. Back then, England was universes away, literally impossible to comprehend as a 5/6/7/8 year old.
My brother and I would always write my Nanna a goodbye card, and birthday / Easter card. My mum being the craft teacher/guru she is, must have instilled this trait in us, cards, letters, drawings. You name it, we did it and a lot of the time sent them on to our Nanna along with photos and even sometimes some scratch and sniffs ha ha ha (remember those!)
These cards and letters and the like, I haven’t thought of in a long time… until now.
My mum sent a giant box of things over from my Nanna’s house in England this week, a box full of a lifetime of memories and apparently it’s nothing compared to what my mum and aunt have found.
Turns out, every one of those letters, every one of those photos and every single one of those cards we have sent my Nanna, you guessed it, she has them still. She has kept the most amazing things from our childhood and also my mum’s childhood. She had them all in her bedroom, stored away nicely. I guess to go through on a rainy day and to reminisce about another time.
My mum has sent me a few things, things she thought I would like to see again and things my Nanna won’t be able to comprehend again.
She has even got, and this one made my eyes well up like no mans business, the letter my dad wrote after my brother was born in 1982, expanding on their brief phone call they had (which back then for international would of cost an arm and a leg) telling her about the tests they had done on him as a new born and how he passed with flying colours and how he “the baby is beautiful”. She had that, in her box of goodies, and it made my heart cry out in joy and sink in sorrow within the same breath.
Its amazing that we get to see these things again, but its heart breaking at the same time.
Sometimes it’s hard to think about someone getting old, someone losing their memory, someone losing their former spirit, Alzheimer’s. But, I am grateful my Nanna is still here. She is living and loving and laughing and although her memory and a few other cognitive processes may be failing, I know she is in there somewhere, the feisty stubborn, big hearted, only ever a skirt wearing woman that we’ve always known and loved….
These are just two of the things I found in the box of never ending, heart warming, treasures.
I would take a guess of the ages I was when I did them, the first I would have been about 7/8 and the second one I would hazard a guess at about 12/11. Don’t worry, I know how to spell AWESOME now!
~ Linking in with Jess for IBOT – there’s a LOT of awEsome going on over there ~
So this is going to be short and sweet.. Oh so sweet!
I’m not really in the post writing frame of mind, might have something to do with the miniature albeit seemingly grand rock concert that’s been playing out in my head since about 2pm this afternoon. You know one of those shockers that has your squinting at the computer screen and wanting to sit in absolute silence with a lavender swab splayed over your face. Yeah, that’s happening.
But I did have to share just one picture of my beautiful friend and her most angelic new little boy. N.M.R. who was born Friday morning and is just divine, he is the epitome of pure sweetness. Just simply being in the presence of someone so new, someone so small and fragile and innocent was completely overwhelming, but in a good way. I can not wait to be a part of his introduction into this crazy beautiful world. To see him grow and shine and be as awesome as his mother and father and older brother all rolled into one, that’s going to be something. He is going to one fabulous little guy.
There is nothing so amazing as to watch my friend with her little boy, I could sit and watch them forever. The love, the awe, the bond that has been blossoming over 9 months and then he is here, in her arms and she doesn’t even have to utter one word to express how in complete and utter love she is. If nothing ever warms your heart, this vision should.
Welcome to the world beautiful boy, I can not wait to show you around xx
Linking in with Jess for IBOT, go stalk some other blogers and blogettes
“A man is but the product of his thoughts.
What he thinks, he becomes” – Gandhi
I’ve been thinking a lot about personal frame of mind and how that really shapes how your day turns out 98% of the time. The other 2% being those really uncontrollable things like Woolies running out of your favourite chocolate covered sultanas etc etc which of course will just make you lose your shit. Ha ha. Joking. Although I was a little miffed.
Anyway back on track;
You need to really tune your mind though, you need to make a decision at the time something happens that isn’t generally amazing and then you need to make the conscious decision to go “No, I will not let this negative ruin my day, I will instead realise I cannot do anything to change it and I will be content in that.
I’ve really noticed the now nearly automatic change in my mind set, which has gone from “ohmygodhelpmenow this is a complete MESS” to “Well, can I really CHANGE whats happening right now? Can I really control what just happened” And the reality is, well no. A lot of the time its about rolling with the punches, its about realising that you can’t always change what’s happening, but you can change how you react to it, and then how that reaction will most definitely change the course of your day.
I’ve been practicing this for quite a few months now and I can 100% see the change in myself and in turn the changes in some of those around me daily. And I can’t explain to you how wonderful it is to be so Zen about situations. Its quite powerful as well, to know that just with a change of thought you can really pep yourself up.
I have been so much more relaxed and so much better prepared to be able to deal with some massive things at work, i.e. projects going live and failing and other things that the old me would have lost her mind at, but the new mind set me, just goes “Okay, that’s really rather crap BUT what can we now do to sort it out” Instead of hanging onto the “oh frikin heck, life is over” kind of attitude.
I guess you could say I’ve found some sort of inner piece, a calmness that I haven’t had for a long time as an adult.
Don’t get me wrong, every day and every situation, I’m not going to guarantee I will be keeping Cool Calm and Collected, however, stopping to think before letting some crazy emotion take over is something that I am and will try to do with everything that fronts itself.
All of the above and just having a more open frame of mind in general have made me decide I want to attend a weekend retreat at a meditation centre here in Melbourne. I have read about them thoroughly, and although I don’t see myself conforming to Buddhism as a whole, I just really like the thought of their practices.
I find the following pretty cool non the less:
About Buddhism – Atisha (11th century Tibetan Buddhist master)
The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.
Some of the above points really make me think, and I feel that I could really enjoy learning more about this religion.
So the retreats are held over a weekend, starting on the Friday evening and ending with lunch on Sunday. There is meditation, teaching, free time in the gardens, vegetarian food, quiet, just simple peace and quiet. Sounds amazing doesn’t it ? I’m looking at attending in the next few months, they only have a few on.
If anything, I am just hoping to come back with a bit of a clear mind and maybe, if I’m lucky, some practices in finding this clear mind on a cloudy, hectic, busy day. I can’t wait to tell you all about it !
Have you ever been away on a retreat like the above ? Do other religions interest you?
Linking in with Jess for the ever wonderful IBOT, check out some rock stars over there !
I’ve hit one of those dredded, or not so dreaded (depending how you look at it) crossroads. The one where you REALLY have no flipping idea what you want to do. The one where both paths could lead to really amazing things, but, you just really cannot for the life of you decide which way to turn. Fun huh!
I’ve been at my job now for 2.5 years and that’s pretty good considering it was such a fluke to get it, practically walking off the aeroplane and voila, here you go. So I know I was seriously lucky to score such a job. And I was/am still really grateful for being given the opportunity.
However, I’ve had enough now. My role is usually a 2 year thing. There is no real career path I can see stemming from this job, unless I want to move upwards to a more technical role, which I do not, which means I would just have to stay where I am and that doesn’t bode so well with me. I could head into an admin role within the company if one popped up or something along those lines. I know many people would do this and be okay with it. But for me, right now, I feel that I am 27 and I do have a huge lifetime in front of me, surely I should be able to find something I truly like, maybe even love ?
But here within lies the problems;
I don’t KNOW what I want to do. I don’t know what my hearts desire is in terms of career. I feel that at 27 regardless of current job, I should maybe have some idea. To a degree I do, or rather I know definitely what jobs I don’t want. If you started yelling jobs at me I would tell you straight out yes or no, actually that’s a lie it would more likely be definite NO’s and a few MAYBE’s.
And that’s my other problem, I am a super indecisive character and this can be a massive downfall, especially when it comes to big decisions (and some of the little ones, even choosing ice cream flavours, how can you ever make a quick decision, serious business right there!) I hate the feeling that I am making the wrong choice. I am terrified in fact. So you can only imagine my dismay when I know I have to, within the next few months or so, make some of those massive decisions.
I don’t HAVE to make these decisions, I’m not on any time frame or deadline with anyone else except myself, but I know I have to make change soon, a change for me, because otherwise I will just become dormant and stay in the same place, just because its easy and comfy, oh how we all LOVE easy and comfy. But I have to cow prod myself in my own ass, else I ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.
Soooo…It IS time to pull up my socks and really take a good hard think about what I want to do, I know I have a few good years left before kiddlies would come along and I want something that’s going to be feasible for me to do with kids and after kids, ya know!
Beginning from right now, I am starting to flip my way through possible career ideas and anything that sparks even a miniscule flame in my heart, will be written onto a piece of paper, and researched thoroughly.
I know there is an amazing job out there waiting for me, I might not even know what is it yet, but I know I am not destined to be in a role that 20 others can do, I want to make a difference, I want to shine. And that my friends, isn’t too much to ask. Is it ?
Have you any suggestions for me? Have you ever been in this position?
Linking in with Jess for IBOT, because I can.
I think we all reach that age at some stage where we value quality of friends much much more so than quantity.. Sometimes this happens during the teen ager stage and more often than not this will happen in our 20’s. I am sure sometimes this isn’t the case for some people and the game can go on a lot longer. But there will always be the time that comes where you wake up and go.. Do I really need ‘73’ close friends ? Do I really need to spend every single waking hour texting, calling, organising catch ups.. do I REALLY ?!
The quality over quantity realisation hit me early to mid twenties, about the time I first moved over seas. I didn’t have those bazillion friends to call and text and see every. single. day, and surprise surprise I WAS OK! I still had my few best friends who I kept in regular contact with, but the millions dwindled and that’s when I realised quality over quantity was the way to go.. I was less exhausted too, its quite taxing having to try to keep in daily-ish contact with a hoard of people.
It was also at this stage that It came to my attention that majority of those “friends” were just there ‘because’ .. they didn’t bring anything to the table, at least not for my benefit. A lot of these people were in fact negative influences who didn’t contribute positively to my life what so ever. I mean, don’t get me wrong, its not like I went around on purpose just ditching majority of my friends, it was just my situation changed completely and it was a real eye opener to who were/are the “Lifers” and who were the “Seasonals”.
Now I find myself in my late twenties *cringe* (no offence to anyone, its just saying late twenties really makes me realise, I really AM an adult now..eeek. hold me..) and I have such a perfect balance of friends. ALL of them QUALITY. I have, for lack of better word, ‘weeded’ out the non consistants, the negative nancys, the ones that brought me down more than up and I find myself left with such amazing human beings who are all on my team. The comfort in having these people around and knowing they are all LIFERS is just that, comforting. They are all people from different walks of life who I have met on my journey somewhere along the way and have to whom I have silently yelled out “I need you on my team” and they have submitted to that and willingly taken my hand.. and here we are today.
I value my friendships that I have now, more than I ever thought possible.
< Linking up with some super cool cats at Diary of a SAHM for #IBOT, check em’ out yo >
A thought struck me the other morning while I was drying my hair before work (yes of course that detail is relevant…. Ok it isn’t really.) However, the thought that’s struck me was this.. Myself and Miss LG are in a world of Mummy Bloggers at the moment, which is completely our choice of course, and one which I love, because the stories that are told and the life advice that is shared cannot be compared to… but the fact is, I’m not a Mummy at all.. Even though I’d love to count my 2 years au-pairing as being a Mummy (because I did every little thing for those angels devils in disguise)..but I won’t and I’m sure Miss LG isn’t either.. unless of course you count her.. no actually, I’ve got nothing, she is as far from maternal as anyone can get .. (Her words folks…)
So I have taken the decision upon myself to sit down and work out a time frame with Miss LG for when we will both pro create together, so we can form our own generation of Mummy Bloggers.. and at this time, I shall pronounce our title to be “MOGGERS”. (clearly the coolest shortening of Mummy Bloggers you have ever heard… I know right.. Mind = Blown)
This group duo of “MOGGERS” will rule the roost. We will flash our cameras in our little ones eyes until they think they are doing the jive at a flash dance disco ball party. We will push our prams in synch to the sweet sweet sounds of Fall Out Boy (okay maybe sweet sweet sounds is the wrong term to use) non the less we will listen to them. We will holiday together, OH THE TRIPS! Us and our wee lil Mogmogs strolling along the beach.. oh I can feel the sand between my toes already.
But until this time comes, until I have orchestrated this synchronised bun in overning (new word), we will continue to read on and communicate with all the current Mummy Bloggers and enjoy engaging with this lovely group of people, who, don’t get me wrong, don’t always blog about their babies, in fact majority of them don’t, they just blog about life and love and trials and tribulations like all of us. It’s lucky they don’t mind us joining in for the ride! But let me just say I am one of the most worded up non Mamas going at the moment with all the knowledge and experiences I read and learn about every day.. and that, I wouldn’t trade the world for.
This is a slightly tongue in cheek , ill harming satire post that at the end of the day is really just an ode to all the current Mummy Bloggers out there who are copping a beating at the moment with lots of b.s controversy surrounding the blogging world.
Keep doing what you are doing and don’t let anyone steer you away from it. It’s your own little piece of the universe, you can do with it what you may and nobody has the right to tear you down for it.
Now I’m off to email Miss LG so we can get this time table down pat a.s.a.p.
Future Mogger out. xx